I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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