Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
