hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i believe in u and ur pee
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
