Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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