It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
