I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
