Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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