I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
