It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
worst night to have a conscience
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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