y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
