she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
