I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
