I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
