Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
