I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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