Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
