Michael Bay diarrhea
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
