dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
