Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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