Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
