The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
