is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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