Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
