i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
