Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
