This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
