I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
