Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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