True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
