Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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