Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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