Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
