I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
