You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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