i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
