just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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