just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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