you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
