Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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