if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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