Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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