we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
