I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
