jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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