bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
