i permit you to call me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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