I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was CRYING into my vagina
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
