think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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