porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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