they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
