I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My dick has a subreddit
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
