You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
