He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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